Oh my gosh....she lives....

Ha, yes. It seems as it has been a few MONTHS since my last post. Well, I suppose in just reading my last post, there isn't much that's happened since November 1st.

Well, I take that back. A couple weeks ago (February 9th to be exact), I hit my 100th pound lost! As you can tell it's taken me a few months to lose that last 5 pounds. It's been a rough road there, starting with Halloween, continuing through Thanksgiving, rounding the corner at Christmas and finally crashing into the building at New Years. The brakes were worn, really worn.

After New Years, I decided I was getting back on track. Back to journaling, back to being accountable. I was going to be strict, I was going to be dedicated...110%. And back to hault. My body wasn't really moving. I was devastated that I spent weeks being completely faithful to my plan and working out an extra day every week. No cheating. No splurging. Nothing. And what did I get in return....NADDA! Really, not much. The day I crept over the 100th pound lost, it was by 2 tenths of a pound. Don't get me wrong...I'm taking it! And I'm not giving it back, either!!!

I'm completely relieved to be at this point. I think the pressure of the invisible line (the 100th pound line) really took a toll on my brain, thus traveling throughout my body.

I made the switch back to flex. I decided that maybe my body needed a change. I do have all intentions of going back to core, because I really like that plan (go figure...LOL). But for now, I'm shakin' things up.

Nothing would be complete here without the before/during/after pictures. Most I have posted at one time or another here on this blog, but it's so refreshing to see them all in a row.

Before (ok this wasn't right before WW, but it was about the same weight as when I started)

This one was actually taken right before I joined WW -- May 2006

July 2006 -- 19 pounds lost

September 2006 -- 35 pounds lost

December 2006 -- 50 pounds lost

February 2007 -- 68 pounds lost

February 2008 -- 100 pounds lost

Almost there...

I am almost there. With almost 95 pounds lost, I have 5 pounds until I hit 100 pounds lost and 11 pounds until GOAL!

Not much more to say other than that.

Still on the core plan. Halloween sort of is screwing with me mentally. I'd like to get rid of everything, but I don't want to deprive the kids. Yeah, I can say that it's all for them and try my hardest not to touch it. But, in fact, it's in the house and I can touch it. Gary did take a bunch with him to work already. That helps a little.

My MIL decided to get us special halloween bags. A full size bag of Dove candys for me. A full size bag of Ghirodelli (sp?) chocolate for hubby....UGH...I don't need that. Seriously.

I'm still alive...

Believe it or not, I'm still alive!!

I'm terribly sorry, Christina, for scaring you. That wasn't my intent at all. In my previous update, I did write a lot of scary things, but honestly those were the things I was afraid of going into the program.

I dedicated 6 weeks of sticking to core before I'd even think about quitting. Now, the 6 weeks is over and I've decided that I'm going to continue to follow the core plan.

The six weeks was a rough adjustment, but it was the same adjustment I made when I started WW to begin with. I had a lot of the same feelings and I had the same withdrawls and frustrations. It was just over different types of food.

Let me explain...When I started WW, I craved fast food. French fries, hamburgers, ice cream. I also craved chips and cookies. Those were all foods I was used to eating all the time, so when I started I had to focus on what is a healthier way of me to eat. I found a lot of awesome low point snacks and I lived off of that. Once I adjusted, I was OK. I was content and I didn't crave any of that terrible stuff all the time.

Core was similar, but I was cutting out my low point snacks. Since I was used to having those as a staple in my diet, I craved them when I cut them out. I felt much like I did when I quit smoking over 9 years ago. Ask Gary, he probably wanted to shove some food in my mouth so I'd quit bitching...LOL!

As time went on, I felt better and I felt in control again and core is definitely a liveable lifestyle. Really, it is.

In the 6 weeks, I had lost 6.5 pounds. Now, in those weeks, I had good weeks and bad weeks. There were times I was disappointed and times I was surprised.

I hope I can continue to lose. A pound a week is good enough for me at this point. Although I can't seem to grasp that it still might take me 17 more weeks to get to goal, but then I think...hot damn, only 17 pounds until GOAL!

I've really been using my bonus points on the weekends. Having myself a "fat-free Saturday" per say. I don't think this is really the way that I want to live my life, but for now, I always feel like I just need a splurge day after doing well all week. I didn't feel like that on core, but it usually keeps me more disaplined during the week.

So that's where I'm at. I've been pretty busy with life around here these days, so that's why I'm not posting much. It must be all that extra energy I have since losing 88 pounds!! :)

The core update...

Since you asked, Christina, I'll update.

Core is freakin' hard.

Not impossible as I had thought, just harder and much more disciplined.

What's core like and what do I like/dislike about core...

#1 - I can drink as much milk as I want. I freakin' love milk and I hardly drank it while on flex because I was never willing to spend points on milk unless it was in my cereal and even that I hardly ate.

#2 - Cereal. I love cereal and hardly ate it and this week I got to have cereal and milk everyday. Now Fiber One isn't as good as Coco Pebbles, but it's also not as bad as say dirt either...

#3 - I've had a baked potato almost every day with dinner. I'd say this is a positive and a negative, because my only side is veggies and a baked potato with spray butter. I'm a little bored, as I think Gary is too.

#4 - Keri's kick ass fruit chocolate smoothies. Totally core for the entire cup (and it's a big cup). Kinda tastes like ice cream, but NO points!! Bonus!!

#5 - I think I might be down at least 2 pounds. Now anything can change between now and Saturday, but KICK ASS, I'm down TWO pounds!! I needed this!!

Core sucks because...I feel like I can't just grab anything to eat. I've had to limit my snacking and if I want to snack it's pretty much a vegetable or a fruit.

Since I'm such a damn picky eater, I need to use my bonus points for things I eat in my everyday meals. Such as my freakin' coffee, tortilla for lunch, string cheese. I feel like I can't spend points on anything big and let's just forget about ordering pizza this week. That'd take up half of my weekly points and I can't afford that. Maybe on Saturday after my weigh in and we will see how many points I've got left.

I feel like I'm hungry all of the time. I don't know why, but the damn cucumbers don't fill me up for very long. Neither does yogurt or a banana. I feel like I'm hungry every hour now.

I KNOW that core is the healthy persons ideal way of living. There should be NO snacking. No cookies, cake, ice cream, chips, etc, etc. But THAT is life and I need to figure out a healthy balance of implementing core into my lifestyle while not feeling like I'm on a diet. Because that's how I feel this week. I'm on a diet and next week if I don't do core, I'm going to suck and I'm going to gain.

Now, I know I'm gung-ho and doing core to the maximum this week because it's week 1. I just feel like I don't have as much wiggle room (aka cheating) without feeling completely guilty.

I hope I don't scare the shit out of you, Christina. It's really not THAT bad...LOL. I'm am super excited that I'm down and that's what is keeping me motivated.

Oh yeah, and I LOVE not writing everything down. That's another huge perk of the program!!

What to do??

I can't believe that I'm typing this right now...

I'm going to try core.

I don't want to. I'm not looking forward to it, but I need to do SOMETHING to get me losing weight again. I've been so back and forth for the last month or so. I actually weigh slightly more than I did one month ago. It sucks!

So, I went shopping yesterday and bought all healthy stuff. I made myself a smoothie last night for a sweet treat. Yesterday I ended up using 6 points already and today 4 pts so far. I hope I'm not in over my head this week.

Wish me luck!

No kidding...

So, it's been a month?!? Where is this time going?!?

I really have been super busy and I do intend to post on my other blog to update! I want to update everyone on my weight loss progress so far, since it's been so long...

Well, this past month has been a month of ups and downs. I am actually FINALLY under that 200 mark!! I'm SO freakin' excited that I passed that imaginary line that exists somewhere in the back of my brain.

When I first joined WW, I had sat in on a truly inspiring story of a woman who had lost 100 pounds in about a year. (Give or take a few weeks). She was (and still is) my first big inspiration, (with many other women to follow). She wrote a few articles and was actually even published on the WW website. When she joined WW, she weighed exactly one pound less than I did when I joined. I felt that if she could lose 100 pounds in one year, so could I and thus started my journey. Well, last week I had my one year anniversary for WW and I did not hit my goal. I'm actually quite far from it. As of last week I had hit 81 pounds (um, because of a gain) and I was a little bit bummed. I was racking my brain with thoughts of what I've done wrong or what else I could have done better. I've thought that maybe I'm getting a little too comfortable in my skin. I felt that there were times I could have done better, but didn't. I was just down about it, because it became just another "goal" that I didn't meet. (There have been a lot of them lately).

I've been thinking that the summer would help me more. I'd be out and about and playing with the girls and going to the parks and for walks and such. What I didn't think about it how hard it is to track things when you've got numerous cookouts, graduation parties, festivals and other activities all the time. I also didn't realize when you are on the go more, it makes it MUCH harder to track all the time. I forget. I forget to write it down. I forget what I've eaten. I forget how many points are in those cookies, chips, cake..whatever....

And while I'm really not disappointed in myself, I'm just disappointed in the thought it was another goal missed. Another "something" that I took the time to think about and even sometimes with a calculator, sat and figured out math to make sure it was a feasible goal.

And where or where am I going with this??? I honestly don't even know.

I'm at 197.6 as of yesterday morning. I've got 17.4 pounds until I reach the 100 lb loss mark and I've got 23.6 pounds until I reach the top of my healthy weight range for WW. When I look at those numbers, I know I've done spectacular!! I know that I'm on the right track and that something is working out right. I'm totally proud of myself for where I've come though this process and I know that time is going to happen no matter what. Mine as well always make the best of it and take each day as a new one.

Oh and one last thing to answer me if you will...What the hell am I supposed to say to people when they tell me I'm wasting away to nothing? That I'm vanishing into thin air? That I don't need to lose anymore weight? Can't people just tell me that I look fabulous and I will return and say "you are so sweet, thank you"....Because I swear 197 pounds is NOT the weight of air or the weight of "nothing". Because I do still have 23.6 pounds until I'm even in my healthy weight range....and a size 14/16 pant is still considered plus sized....

And I'm really not bi-polar. It seems as this post was up, and then down and then up again and then down for the close. Really, I'm normal...LOL!

I knew it...

Well, it finally came back and bit me in the ass...I gained this week. I gained 1.6 pounds and it's not even my period week.

Let's clap for me though...I didn't cry in the meeting today. I knew I was probably going to gain and not that I'm "ok" with that necessarily, but I knew that the last few weeks I hadn't done too well and I still managed to lose. I should have gained at least one of those weeks, so I'm taking this as payback for losing those other weeks. (Whatever helps me sleep better at night, right?)

But with that said, I'm going to do awesome this week. I'm vowing to journal everyday and hopefully by next Saturday I'll be down 3 pounds (to make up for the gain plus another 1.5 pounds).